My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
