I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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