You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
