No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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