If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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