So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
