Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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