rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
