do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
