Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
