Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
