Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
