i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
