I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
