PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
