Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
