Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
