I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish I could teleport
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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