if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
