Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
