3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
