some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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