I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
