HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
