I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
