eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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