Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
