Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
