Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
