My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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