I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
