I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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