Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
