Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
