six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
