Kiss
Puke
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
