THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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