Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
