There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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