Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize