you would pick up someone in the library
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
