they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
