A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
