hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
two words: eviction party
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
