i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize