When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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