My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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