New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
