Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize