I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
