I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
