Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
