I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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