I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
