dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize