i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That accounts for only three of the penises
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
