I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
