I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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