I want to make a zoo with you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
