I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
