my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
