u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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