Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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