Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
