Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
