I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
