either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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