I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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