My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
