one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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