The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
