..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
